As I write this letter, I will have to say God is good. God has been with me all my life, but being the sinner I was, I did not know he was always continually with me. I will try to explain how I experienced God’s goodness.

Now I know God does help lost sinners like me, so now I am telling you God can and will help you, no matter what your circumstances are.

As I stated earlier, God has been with me all my life, but I did not know it, and I probably would not have cared anyway, because I did not know God. One day, while I was sitting at my dining room table, all of a sudden, I found myself just feet away from the door to hell.

I immediately knew where I was and why I was there, but I did not know how I got there or how long it had taken me to get there.  I do not know if this happens in spiritual time or in worldly times.

I was in a large hole. I think the hole was in the ground, but I am not sure. There were many people in that hole with me, but none of them was as close to hell doors as I was. I guess I was supposed to be the next person to enter hell.

Now, I did not want to go to hell, but I was a hardened sinner, and I knew sinners like me belonged in hell. Jesus came there, but I did not want to meet him; also, I did not ask him to help me, because I knew I had never loved Him. I just kept quiet. I remember that while I was sitting or standing at hell’s doors, I was not sure if I was sitting or standing.

I was in this big, deep hole with a walking/standing area all around the inside wall of the hole. It was similar to a staircase or an incline. There were many people (sinners) on the stairs or an incline; they all knew all the sins I had committed, and I knew all the sins they had committed.

Some of the sinners in the hole with me had committed some sins I could never commit, such as murder, rape, burglary, etc I always thought murder was the worst sin anyone could commit, but I discovered I was wrong, because I was the only sinner near hell’s door.  

I do remember asking Jesus why some of the other sinners down in the hole with me were not closer to hell’s doors with me. Jesus answered my question with a question; he asked me how many people I saw down near hell’s doors with me. I did not answer his question.

Jesus knew I was the only person down near hell’s door, so his question was his way of telling me my sins were worse than murder, rape, burglary, etc I was wrong; it is not just a sin you committed, it is the type of sin you committed.

I committed sexual sins, which carry more weight than other types of sins. Sexual sins are dangerous because you are sinning, using your body (flesh). I committed adultery and fornication with the same woman at the same time, continually for 12 years.

Although I did commit the sins, it may not be as you think. I did not know this woman was married; she and her husband had been separated for many years before I met her.

As I was sitting or standing at hell’s door, waiting to enter, I looked sad and stupid. Jesus approached me, and we became one. I do not know if I was in my physical body or spirit form. Now I know I was in spirit form because Jesus was in spirit. You can’t see a spirit with your eyes, but you can feel their presence.

I knew Jesus would search my heart, soul, and mind. I also knew he was not going to find anything good in me, so I thought to myself, “I wish I had done at least one decent thing in my life so Jesus could find it.”

Here is something you can try if you ever find yourself in a similar situation. I do not know if this is why Jesus immediately took me out of that hole, but I remember asking him why he loved the other sinners in the hole more than he loved me. Man, I was out of that hole in a split second.

I was glad to be out of that hole, and I knew I needed some serious help. I did not ask Jesus for help at that time because I did not know what to say, think, or do. Jesus came up to me, pointed his finger in my face, and said, “There is nothing good in you”.

Man, that was hard to swallow. What would you do if Jesus said that to you? I came to realize that there was nothing good in me at the time, but this was a second chance to put something good in me. I asked Jesus to help me and come into my life. I knew I needed some help, and fast.

I knew I needed to make a change, but I did not know what to do. I thought I would listen to some gospel music, but I did not have any. Then I remembered I had the YouTube URL for BeBe and CeCe Winans’ “I am lost without you” on my laptop.   

I decided to listen to that song, and afterward, I was going to find more gospel music on YouTube. When that song started playing, I looked to the right on the YouTube site, and there must have been about 10 songs in a row by CeCe Winans.

CeCe Winans played a big part in my transition from a non-believer to a believer. I do not want to discourage anyone from becoming a believer, because you will not regret it. When you become a believer, Satan will immediately start trying to manipulate your mind.

When I asked Jesus whether I could become one of His followers, He said yes, but it would not be easy. Satan started attacking my mind daily; he beat me all through my house. The only relief I had was listening to CeCe Winans’ songs. I would listen to her music day and night.

When you first become a believer, Jesus will protect you against Satan because he knows Satan can overpower a new believer. During your beginning believers’ stage, learn all you can about Jesus, because if you do not, Satan will tell you false information about Jesus. Satan told me that he was Jesus.

by: Staff